All this led me to wonder, what would Jesus do for Halloween this year?

Now that I am a follower of Christ, I believe I can speak for Jesus on this issue. It is pretty obvious, but I am sure Jesus will not turn his lights on for Halloween. He will not want those evil pagan Satanists coming to his door asking for sacrificial virgins and goat’s blood. After spending a few hours hiding in a room in his house from all those evil non-Himself-Followers he will make his way to the local God-ordained building to celebrate.

Do not worry, he is not going to be celebrating the evil Satanic day of Halloween. He will be celebrating Fall Festival. You see, Fall Festival is the holiest of celebrations and it happens to fall on October 31. Unlike Halloween, during Fall Festival you get to dress up like your favorite fun thing. This is a completely different practice than that evil Satanist celebration. The children of Satan worshipers all dress up like Ghouls, Ghosts, Witches, Demons, and Lawyers – everything to do with Satan. During Fall Festival, the children dress up like Peter Pan, Robin Hood, Star Wars characters, Angels, and dead Church reformers – everything to do with God and the Bible.

While at Fall Festival, Jesus will participate in many activities. One of Jesus’ favorite activities is painting pumpkins. You can paint a funny face on a pumpkin, glue yarn on the top of it to make it look even sillier. Then you can accessorize your pumpkin with fake glasses, mustaches, or clothes. The wild-eyed Satanists also use pumpkins in their celebration. It is quite different though, Satanists take sharp evil knifes and stab open the pumpkin. They carve evil and ugly faces out of the pumpkin as a way to ward off Christians and all things holy. Often times they put a candle inside the demonic pumpkin to make it look even scarier. Sometimes it is acceptable for Christians to carve pumpkins, but only if they carve a cross into the pumpkin (with a knife blessed by a priest). Also, Christians are forbidden from putting candles in their pumpkins. This too closely reflects the evil Satanist children of the world. Instead, they need to use a small flash light with rechargeable batteries (to save the environment). We are called to be “in the world”… not “of the world”.

Jesus also loves handing out candy to the little children at Fall Festival. He makes sure to hand out only the healthy candy, like apples, oranges, unsalted peanuts, and bible tracts. To receive these wonderful prizes, the children will usually say “tr*ck or tr**t” like the evil Satanist children. This is acceptable behavior, they are too young to realize the evilness of this saying. Eventually with enough Sunday School and Children’s church they will learn the true evil power of these words. It is Jesus’ hope along with the rest of the church that 1 or 2 satanist Children who inadvertently wear Christian costumes might accidentally stumble into to their Fall Festival celebration and receive a Bible tract. This is truly the only acceptable way to tell children and parents about God’s hatred for them and how they can be saved from their wicked Satanic practices so that God might finally love them.

During all of the pumpkin painting and candy giveaways there are usually other activities for children to do. One of my favorites is the “Holy House”. A Holy House is a fun maze for the good little Heaven-bound children. While they go through the maze fun facts pop out at them telling them about how Luther nailed his 95 thesis on the Wittenberg door or how Spurgeon preached to thousands of people. When the children finish the maze they are quizzed on what they should have learned and earn saltines and sugar free punch for correct answers. Some of the Satanist children have a similar, but evil practice. They have an evil maze called a “Haunted House”. A Haunted house is filled with other scary people dressed up as evil things like demons and ghouls. As the Satanist children go through this scary maze, evil spirits jump out at them scaring them and brainwashing them into believing in evolution. When they finish the maze they get to drink boiled worm juice and eat Oreo cookies.

This entire post was a fabrication.

Happy Halloween.

It was always way too cold out to only wear a Halloween costume. The secret trick to get around this was the heated car – jump in the car and move house to house. My Halloweens were always a little different. I did a little trick or treating, just enough to get some candy, but then my parents and I would go to my grandparents house for their Halloween party. My grandfather loved to decorate his house. Every holiday was his time to shine. During Halloween he would get somewhere up to 700 children visiting his house (he counted them). People would drive from all around to visit his house. I’m still not sure what his neighbors though about that :). I remember one year, I went to a haunted house run by the local Catholic church, it was o.k. fun, but not scary enough. Other than that deviation, it was always the same routine from what I remember.

That was pretty much what I did for Halloween as a child and before I was saved.

After I was saved I was much older and had less interest in Halloween. My grandparents were too old to do anything with their house for Halloween so I pretty much did nothing. The church I was apart of did some sort of Halloween party but I did not attend, I think I was too busy or just didn’t care. Since moving to North Carolina I can only remember what one group of Christians did for Halloween, they had some sort of Trunk or Treat thing. It was there as both a way to advertise the Church and to give children a safer place to get candy. I thought about going, but we decided to hang home and hand out candy ourselves. We got a total of zero children. More candy for me!

I have also heard of some places who run Fall Festivals instead of Halloween parties. From what I understand about Halloween, this is basically an attempt to Christianize a non-pagan holiday with pagan roots. Honestly, I have no experience with these either. I have heard hypocritical things about them.

I think I have also heard of a Reformation party in lieu of a Halloween party… but that’s not so much a cover-up as it is a coincidence (since the reformation started on Oct. 31 when Martin Luther nailed his 95-Thesis on the Wittenberg Door).

I told you all of this basically to say this. I had a lot of fun as a child dressing up for Halloween, getting all sorts of candy, going to my grandparents house and seeing all the other neat costumes. If you want to call it a Fall Festival, that’s fine, a rose by any other name smells just as sweet. If you want to provide a safe haven for the local children by doing Trunk-or-Treat, that’s great too. If you want to have a Reformation party… well frankly your a nerd ;). Just don’t get all legalistic! Here’s the thing, Halloween has no pagan significance, not to anyone with any sense. It is about being a fun little kid, imagining your are something else for the day while your parents cart you around to get you some valuable loot. Some people want to dress up like zombies, vampires, werewolves, etc. that’s fine… guess what – those things aren’t real, they are pretend. Others want to dress up as cowboys, ninjas, and police officers, that’s fine too. Maybe you want to dress up your dog like spiderman… well you’re a nerd too, but it’s still probably pretty cute. Decorate your home or not, just do whatever you are convicted of – but don’t try to make other people live by your rules.

Most of all, remember these words, “Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this–not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way.”

The Christians and the Pagans Meet for Samhain at Phil Wyman’s Square No More
Our Own Private Zombie: Death and the Spirit of Fear by Lainie Petersen
Julie Clawson at One Hand Clapping
John Morehead at John Morehead’s Musings
Vampire Protection by Sonja Andrews
What’s So Bad About Halloween? at Igneous Quill
H-A-double-L-O-double-U-double-E-N Erin Word
Halloween….why all the madness? by Reba Baskett
Steve Hayes at Who stole Halloween
KW Leslie at The Evening of Kent
Hallmark Halloween by John Smulo
Mike Bursell at Mike’s Musings
Sam Norton at Elizaphanian
Removing Christendom from Halloween at On Earth as in Heaven
Vampires or Leeches: A conversation about making the Day of the Dead meaningful by David Fisher
Encountering hallow-tide creatively by Sally Coleman
Kay at Chaotic Spirit
Apples and Razorblades at Johnny Beloved
Fall Festivals and Scary Masks at The Assembling of the Church
Why Christians don’t like Zombies at Hollow Again
Peering through the negatives of mission Paul Walker
Sea Raven at Gaia Rising
Halloween: My experiences by Lew A
Timothy Victor at Tim Victor’s Musings
Making Space for Halloween by Nic Paton