The Pastor’s Wife’s Husband

This post is not really about the pastor… nor is it really about the pastor’s wife. It’s about what we as Christian men expect from our wives… which I personally think we often feel the pastor’s wife should best model (although I do not agree that we should necessarily think that).

From time to time I listen to a certain lady, a pastor’s wife, counseling other ladies on a radio program. She gives them great advice on how to be submissive, to be gentle spirited, to be kind, etc. – all very Biblical things. But sometimes I cringe at some of the things she says. It may be because I live in a “liberated” society, but I think it is something else. I think it might be sin… not on her part or even on her husbands part – but on my part.

You see when I listen to this lady talk, I often think about how great it would be to have control over someone like that. I silently think to myself, “Man, if I could Lord it over my wife like that, that would be great.” I think about all the things I could do… or not do. I could come home, sit on the couch and expect to be served, with a smile… always. If not, I could throw it in her face and make her feel guilty for not obeying me and feel justified. I could expect the house to be impeccable, the children to be out of my hair, the lawn to be mowed, money to be made, etc. I cringe because I know that this is a desire to do something that does not come from love and thus does not come from Jesus.

In Ephesians 5:23-24 we read, “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”

If we stop there, we can see that it is very important for the wife to submit to the husband. I am by no means denying that. But what if we continue in this passage?

In Ephesians 5:25-27 we read, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

This seems to add a bit of complexity to the idea that we should lord it over our wives. We, husbands, are called to love our wives as Christ loved the church. The example given? To the point of death so that our wives might become set apart, even glorified – not above God but above ourselves.

Now I am by no means the perfect husband, I make plenty of mistakes, and I more often than not put myself before my wife. I know there are other husbands out there who are just like me. We need to remember, our wives are a jewel in our lives. We need to tend to them, take care of them, and sacrifice for them. We can only successfully do this when we look to Christ and follow his example.

I pray that we all, husbands and wives, would follow Christ’s example for our model… and not the traditions of men. That we would not place unbiblical expectations on each other, nor would we promote these expectations on others. But edify one another and encourage each other to love and good works.